Epilogue
After having a cup of coffee the morning of June 24, 2004 I sat at my computer and began to write and so it was that the journey began. My computer hummed way into the night on the fifty third birthday of my firstborn who lived only two hours. Dora Jane, I salute you wherever your sweet spirit dwells. I placed a call to my friend Kathy Freeman the following day and told her about the journey I began. “Would you be my unofficial editor and give me feed back, ” I asked. “That would be such great fun. I need a project. Yes, I would love too. I am no editor but I can give you feed back,” she said.
Life is made up of four seasons. Even though I am passed the 70 mark, I have barely moved from summer and into the fall of my life. After recently losing a friend who was under the age of 60, I realize that sometimes we skip a season and life is cut short. This present love and devotion Bill and I share is not a denial of our past or even a denial that at one point we loved other partners. Being together is a wonderful partnership. We made a wise decision. Would it have been wise in 1965? The answer is of little consequence.
Recently I listened to a discussion regarding The Secret on a famous television program where they defined forgiveness as letting go of the hope that the past could have been different. That is a tough one for me to swallow. It appears to me that everyone is off the hook then? Yet the past is gone and we can not change it because it is what it is and we only have today and the future. Perhaps that means I can forgive myself for making some wrong and poor choices, for not being there for my little sisters, that sure enough I did do the best I could with the knowledge I had. Though there may be a truth to that, no one is off the hook. There
are people who need us to guide them. It could be a simple touch on the arm, a passing smile, a handshake, a phone call or an e-mail or the words, “Do you need some help?”
To the youth who may read these pages, search for the wisdom to remain untangled and free of encumbrances that will lead away from the path of the good life you desire. Protect yourself from pregnancy, both male and female, for when the young lady is pregnant, so is the young man. That responsibility lies with both. When you become a parent, it is forever regardless of whether you are a good or a poor one. Prepare yourself for the wonderful experience of parenthood. When taken lightly, disaster is the result. Life will flow smoother when you prepare long before the age of 30. The high school years can be productive and give more control over the future. Participate in fun activities that help you grow while planning for the next phase. Investing time in education regarding finances can give you a head start on success and freedom. Take care of who you are inside and who you want to be in your older years. Life is not just about “right now.” You are an adult many more years than you are a child. Youth is for preparation for those wonderful years.
Some will “choose” you, be it friend or lover for their own advancement. Choose awareness and be certain relationships are mutual and productive. If you are a vivacious, loving person or a meek, quiet person, someone may come into your life who will attempt to exert their control. This person may actually have no interest in your enrichment but will choose to pull you into his or her life because of the benefit they receive. Be vigilant and strong to protect yourself from those who will choose you for unsavory reasons. At the age of sixteen I chose marriage over the anxiety and fear of living in my father’s home. Even though I had no guidance and my youth caused me to exercise poor judgment, many blessings came to me throughout my life.
My children and grandchildren are inspiring blessings that came from my decision to marry Blake Hayward. My daughter Trace who came from my affair of love with Bill Vann is equally a blessing. I often advise young people that life requires preparation to make good choices. You have the power to remain free of early marriage and parenthood. Yes, many people make it work but it is hard, very hard. Those decisions can be made early in your life. The doors for you are wide open, your slate is clean, today’s page is unwritten and waiting for you to color it with a beautiful life. An older person, already involved in a relationship that may be
abusive, controlled by another or simply going nowhere, can make the same decisions. You can rewrite your page and choose a new direction that will lead to a good and peaceful life. Acting with love and kindness toward everyone in your circle of love and those on the fringes will benefit your life tremendously.
Each of our days is a treasure chest filled with adventure and the strength to overcome anything. Open it each morning and embrace the adventure with gusto. Deliberately create a great day for yourself and the world will celebrate with you.
